Breaking news: Christmas ruined twice (maybe 3 times) in 1 year
Christmas is called off this year due to a bizarre mixup between Santa Claus and flatulent fashionista, Sam Brinton. Santa was recently jailed in Tijuana for allegedly "doing blow and smoking marijuana". Out of money and out of cash, Santa "pimped out his reindeer" to make bail. To make matters worse, he couldn't afford the fees to release his sleigh from impound and was forced to fly Tijuana Air to deliver his gifts. While in the airport, Santa noticed a foul smelling bald person in a bright colored dress lurking around the baggage carousel. CCTV footage released later that day shows the Next Generation reject to be none other than deputy assistant secretary for spent fuel and waste disposition at the Office of Nuclear Energy's Sam Brinton. Stifled by Brinton's own spent gas and waste disposition (fart), Santa and the rest of the airport were unaware of Brinton sneaking away with Santa's bag of gifts. Christmas has been tainted, an "asspilation" in the first degree.
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